There we are again!!!

Just when I thought, I was where I wanted to be, the games begin & a cloud of uncertainty prevails...

It amazes me how the past few years of my life have changed me... And now it can't seem to be undone...

Contradictions galore... The mind just can't seem to decide where it wants to go & what it's willing to shell out in the bargain... Everything comes at a cost, I know... But why???

Things do get lonely at times...

I've hardly believed in love... For me it is too ephemeral a feeling to go beyond a crush or a clumsy infatuation... Call me over-the-top pragmatic or whatever but I've realized that it takes a lot to see yourself in love... Maybe love is over-hyped or maybe it isn't meant for me... I do not know but I cannot ignore the value of companionship... I guess it is this yearn to be not alone that drives people to seek love... Often I've read that love is not about finding the perfect one, but in finding perfection in the one you love... too idealistic if you ask me... And yet I wonder at times when I'm alone if love would have filled this void... I remember when I wanted to know the difference between love & friendship, people quickly pointed out - it was s e x... So, if a person isn't interested in that or is getting enough of it; can friendship suffice for love? I'll never understand...

I'm seriously out of my senses, is all I can say...

I hate to push things... I believe they should take their natural course... This laid-back attitude has me cost me many times before but I can't seem to be otherwise... It takes a lot from me to move out of my equilibrium, to try & change... Yet somehow to fill in the gap between desires & reality, change is a must...

With immense effort...

ABHISHEK